TRIGGER WARNING
I have been putting off writing this. I didn't want to open up our lives up completely to anyone, and never promised to.
But I need to (kinda) now, because I am struggling. Major big-time "I am so lost" outta-options struggle.
I am quite ill. I had exploratory surgery this past Friday. They nearly postponed it again because my platelets are still quite low. We discussed the pros and cons, and decided the need to get a diagnosis was greater than waiting for my platelets to come up another 19 points, or the possibility of me bleeding out. Am waiting for results of biopsies.
That is me. In pain. Still bleeding from surgery. Dizzy. Overwhelmed.
On to Weslee. His weight is still plummeting. He won't eat barely at all... not even his fave foods. He gets super angry when I even suggest he grab something. Says he feels out of fuel, and then gets pissed off when I logically explain fuel comes from food. I made him a doc appt for tomorrow; will tell him tomorrow.
Meanwhile, it is possible that this is his way of self-ending his life. Maybe the constant seizures are taking a toll. Maybe he doesn't want to see me die. Maybe he needs more control over .. anything. Maybe he just doesn't care anymore.
I don't know.
And I am struggling to not give in to my own demons.
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